The real work of relationship.

This work is happening whether we make a commitment, or whether we choose a kind of relational purgatory to avoid the profound difficulty of a singular fire. It occurs before we even meet someone, while we are dating, when we face our first inevitable difficulties, and when it gets really hard. It happens when we come through the other side in a new form — whether together or not — and it continues forever after.

Our connections are the primary landscape of our spiritual and psychological development. Yet when a relationship reaches a breaking point, most of us are alone with it, or nearly so. And the choices we make in those moments — how we leave, how we stay, how and if we speak to the person we loved and then couldn't — shape everything that follows.

I hold a space for singles and couples inside this reality. What happens in the room is particular to what you bring. But the underlying belief that shapes the work is this: you have a genuine chance in the arena of your own life — in your spiritual and relational development, in a future that is of your own making. The way you meet what is difficult in relationship is where that chance is either taken or given away.

What this actually looks like is simpler than it sounds. We sit together — around a kitchen table, or out back by a fire. When it fits the situation and for balance, I bring a trusted woman who has the capacity and the steadiness to be with what comes up. We stay as long as it takes for something to shift — for a next move to become visible, or for the tightness to ease. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we work with the body or the breath. Sometimes we sit quietly and let the room do its work.

This isn't therapy. It's something older — the kind of container where a person can be met inside their whole life, not just inside the problem that brought them.

What does this cost?

There is no set fee. I ask $75 or more per meeting for singles, and $150 or more for couples. When I bring a second person, it’s double. If cost is a barrier and this feels important to you, please reach out anyway.

Money is not the point of this work. And yet — we don't tend to show up fully to something that costs us nothing. I used to hear people say that and think it was a line to justify the fee. I've since learned it's true. The exchange is part of what makes the container real.

How I hold what's said.

This work is held in confidence. What is shared in a meeting stays there — I don't repeat it, I don't use it in teaching or writing, and I don't reference it with anyone else. When a second person is present, she holds the same commitment. If we cross paths in town, I follow your lead. This holding doesn't end when the meetings end.

The one place I would act rather than hold silence is if someone's life were in immediate danger, or a child's safety was at stake. Short of that, what is said stays between us.